I Can Work With That

I Can Work With That

As humans we tend to run away from challenges that seem scary, near impossible, or out of our comfort zone. And in the circumstances where we accept those challenges, we find in fact that it is tough. It is actually harder than we had anticipated. Being outside of what is familiar, what is known, and what are comfortable turns out to be quite uncomfortable. At least, at first glance. Then, we find ourselves questioning why we made that decision to go or to do that in the first place. What were we thinking? What could have possibly prompted us to do this anyways? In those moments of fear and doubt, we forget why we took that step. We look at the sea tossing to and fro around us as we take our eyes off of the Light. This has been some of my thinking for the past couple of weeks. Because as the excitement for something new fades, so does my will to keep going as my heart turns toward what I miss and what I have left behind. But that’s with anything in life isn’t it? New things are exciting and fun, and feel pretty easy to do. Then, comes the season of having to choose to keep that passion alive. It is now a decision to choose joy, instead of it coming so easily. To choose greater thoughts, a more positive attitude, and to stay focused. I have to make a willing effort to press into the hard times, and to keep going, and to not give up. To trust God when everything within me is screaming for me to do none of those things.

That was written in my journal on March 18 when I was in Cambodia. What is funny about the race is you tend to repeat some of the same struggles over and over throughout the months.

Currently, I do not really want to be here. I’m not having team or country related issues. Quite frankly, I am just tired of being a missionary. I have lost my passion for it. I am finding it hard to stay present, because all I can think about is what else I would rather be doing with my life, or who I would rather be spending my time with, or what nice things I would rather be surrounded by. I know from an outside perspective it would be a little tough for someone to understand all of what I am feeling. I mean I am in Africa for crying out loud, and have done and seen things I probably would never have experienced if I weren’t on the World Race. Why on Earth am I complaining, right? My answer is simple. Although, I am on the World Race, I am still living life. And we all know that no matter where we are, what we are doing, or who we are with we have times where we think, “you know I think I would much rather be there instead of here, with that person instead of this person, and doing that and not this.” Sound familiar?

Now, I say all of these things to let you know where I am at, but also to show you that in time God will deliver me from this. He will restore my passion, strength, and love for what I am doing. I want you to be aware that though I am in a really tough place right now, I know that if I press into God with this, He will reveal new things and restore old passions.

Do you know what the first thing to go in a marriage is? Passion. It’s interesting how the first thing that helps a relationship become really good is also the first thing to leave it. I have had thoughts of giving up numerous times, and will again at some point I am sure. But am I just going to give up on my marriage when I don’t “feel” that passion for it anymore. What about my future job? Am I going to quit the first time things don’t go my way? How about my family and friends? Am I going to give up on those relationships because of a fight or disagreement?

Now, the world race isn’t a marriage, but it is something I’ve committed to for 11 months. Like with anything we do in life, it gets tough. Sometimes, we just lose that passion. However, my prayer is that though my passion and enjoyment for what I am doing may come and go, may I never disbelieve in the God who is able to restore and renew all things if I seek Him for it. Also, it is a great feeling know that God is okay with me feeling how I feel. Now, He doesn’t want me to stay in the place I am at, because greater things are to come. However, the scandalous love of God is that no matter what I may be experiencing or feeling, He is always right there beside me saying, “I can work with that.”